Monday, October 15, 2012

We Have Puppies!

I have to admit that as cute and wonderful as puppies are, I'm not entirely thrilled about them.

We've been feeding and sheltering a stray highway drop off dog since she found her way to our home about 2 months ago. At first I tried to take her to the SPCA but was told that I would have to pay for her spay and vaccinations first, and being the cheap ass that I am, I said 'I am NOT paying that much money for a dog that isn't even mine, I'll just find her a home myself!'. It was a great idea in theory, but do you want to know how many people are looking for a grown dog with no house training and are willing to drive into the boondocks to go get her? Not many, and being 39 weeks pregnant myself didn't help much. I put in the effort to find her a new home for about a week, and after that I was too self absorbed and miserable to care, and she was a good dog, so I wasn't in any hurry.

Miles was born about two weeks into her stay, and my giveashit went from poor to nonexistent. She wasn't harming anything, Wyatt loved her, and I was too busy to make myself lunch, much less search for a new home for a stray dog. A couple weeks later it became obvious that she was a package deal. We kind of knew that if she wasn't already bred when she arrived, she would probably be shortly seeing as Lance's dog, CJ is still intact (don't even get me started), but again the idea of paying to spay a dog we didn't intend to keep on our budget seemed ridiculous... so we procrastinated, and here we are. 

Missy has now been with us for just under 2 months, and her puppies have been with us since last Saturday... so I can safely say that since the gestation of a dog is 9 weeks, and she had only been with us for 7 when she had her puppies, we officially have 7 Idunowatdafuks on our hands to find homes for. So you can see why I'm not thrilled at the prospect of puppies... as if one dog wasn't enough to find a home for, I now get to find homes for her 7 offspring. We have decided to just have her spayed once the puppies are gone and keep her as a pet (Wyatt yelling 'Mimi!' out the window is too cute, she has officially won us over).

If anything, they're cute, and pretty cool looking. It's like buying one of those brown paper 'surprise' bags full of candy as a kid, and when you open it up GUESS WHAT! It's candy! Well GUESS WHAT! It's a dog! yaaaaaaay...

It's not like I'm a stranger to the whole finding-puppies-new-homes thing anyway. It seems as though every time I have a baby, I get puppies too... I may never procreate again for this very reason. Our other dog, Lily was pregnant the same time as me, and on day 2 of my induction (11 days overdue at that point) we got a call from our neighbor saying 'You've got puppies!'... I kid you not, I have never been more pissed off about puppies as I was in that moment. Something about the fact that even the stupid dog had beat me really chapped my ass, and my mood went from dismal to down right depressed. 

This is one of the many reasons why I'm not a dog person. The end.

So now here is my Miles with his new friend who I've already named Sully, the paper bag puppy, and a couple of Miles because ya know... he's cute and all.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Halloween is coming!!

Wrapping a newborn in toilet paper is far more labor intensive than I expected... but SO worth it!

Monday, October 8, 2012

Miles' Playtime Adventures!

Guess whose turn it is?! 

I cannot even begin to tell you how much more difficult it is to put these together with a toddler in the house... I put the first one together 4 times before I got a chance to take the picture.

This was taken when Miles was just a week old :)

and the one we did today for Thanksgiving:

Sunday, October 7, 2012

Happy Thanksgiving!

And Happy October 7th for my American Friends...


In case you forgot somehow...

Friends and family (Lance especially) have been nagging me for months that I should pursue photography... to be 100% honest it is only recently that I've improved enough to take pictures that I would be willing to pay money for. I'm picky and extremely critical of my work, so the idea of having people pay me to photograph them and then be responsible for providing them with quality work is a task that seemed (and is still) daunting.

But I decided a few weeks back that I would give it a shot, and would only charge what I felt was fair. I'm not a professional by any means, but I enjoy it and you know what they say about doing what you love. Plus, I've been feeling the need to get out and do something that doesn't entirely involve my kids since Miles was born. Is that bad? I love them to the moon and back, but I think it's important to feel a purpose outside of the house... at least for me it is.

So then there was the task of naming myself. I wanted something more than Firstname Lastname Photography, because besides my friends in the business (of whom I have a few), I have a hard time remembering most photographers who just use their names. I also read somewhere that (for obvious reasons) 'named' businesses are more memorable, and tend to get more business. Obviously my work is going to reflect me more than the name, but I also wanted the name... okay I'm talking in circles now.

Eventually I settled on 'Wild at Heart (Photography by Caitlyn Blake)'. I'm very happy with it. It reminds me of Wyatt every time I hear it or see it, because I don't think there is a better way to describe him.

So without further ado, I give you some of my favorites from this summer... oh, and the little one with the dark hair and stuff, that is Mr. Miles himself :)

Presenting Mr. Miles Ernest!

These are from back in June for Wyatt's 18 month shoot

And fun on the trampoline :)

Saturday, October 6, 2012

Miles' Birth Story... Short Version

Very short version, actually.

I've been making birth announcements for people via my etsy shop* for several months now, and I've had the pleasure of reading several short birth stories from many different people so that I can create a unique, personalized announcement for them. It's been very rewarding and I finally got around to making one for Miles tonight (hell, I'm not sleeping anyways, I might as well stay up a little later right?).

So here is the short version. Had my membranes stripped at 1:30 (3cm), labored from about 3pm, tried to sleep around 11pm, woke up at 1am, got to the hospital at 2am (4cm), labored 2 more hours (5-6cm), had my water broken at 4:30 (8cm), prayed to the porcelain gods at 5. My Mom arrived at 5:15, I was checked at 6am (9cm), had to push at 6:01am (was told to stop), screamed that I had to push at 6:02 (was told to stop), said 'fuck you all, I'll catch this baby myself if I have to' (okay not really, but I wanted to) at 6:03, doc wandered in at 6:04, Miles came into the world, perfectly round head and all at 6:08am, and my whole world changed. Now I have 2 beautiful boys, and I couldn't be happier.

So here is Miles' birth story announcement:

*found here for those of you looking:

Good Holy Hell I'm Bad at This

Enough said? Yup.

Let me catch you up...

Last time I wrote (March) I was knocked up! Yay!

April - Lance and I fought over whether or not to find out whether our newest little monster was a boy or a girl, the short story is that I won that argument, and you can find our sex reveal video here:

June: Wyatt turned 18 months old!! Wow... totally not ready for that. According to the health nurses and their on call pediatrician he is still starving to death, we're still waiting for him to keel over. I'm thinking that we might get a warning before it actually happens... like maybe he'll slow down or something. Who knows. Obviously not me, because I'm not qualified.

August: I spent the first half of the month praying that baby would take his time coming so that I had a few more weeks to tame my wild toddler, and spent the last half of the month so exhausted from taming said toddler that I could no longer stand to be pregnant any longer... Just as I did with Wyatt, I got huge, uncomfortable, and incredibly irritable toward the end, especially after Wyatt threw a shoe into someone's food when we were out to lunch. Thankfully I went into labor the next day and my prayers were answered when he arrived in perfect health after 15 hours of the most amazing labor I could have asked for on August 31st (a blue moon). Birth story to come, I promise it won't be as depressing as Wyatt's.

His name is Miles Ernest, and he is perfect.. at least for the next 8 months... when he starts walking I'll get back to you.

September: We came home from the hospital on September 1st, just over a full 24 hours after Miles' birth and spent the rest of the month adjusting to 2 under 2. It's really not nearly as bad as I expected. Miles is really mellow and relaxed for the most part. Stick a boob in his mouth and he's happier than a pig in shit. Wyatt has surprised us since becoming a big brother, he has calmed down 1000 fold and no longer throws shoes in restaurants... although he has discovered my greatest weakness, the Moby wrap, because contrary to it's purpose, it actually makes things a lot more difficult with an unruly toddler. Let's just say that I no longer try wear Miles while shopping.

October: AAAAND you've been updated! Yay! Once again I'm going to put my hand over my heart and swear that I'll be better this time... I should write this blog a ballad or something, for the number of times I've felt the need to apologize for my lackluster posting. It's just sad. Seriously.

Plans for the future? We have a Halloween 'Boo Bash' scheduled for the 27th, and Wyatt's 2nd birthday party in just under 2 months (WHHHAAAAT?) !! It's pirate themed this year and promises to be even better than last year's (which I totally neglected to post pictures of... didn't I say I was horrible at this blogging stuff?).

Speaking of birthday parties, planning and all that good stuff... of course, I discovered last week, much to my dismay, that Wyatt doesn't really like pirates. In fact he's scared of them, much like tunnels at the park and feather boas. As we were leaving my in-law's house my Mother-in-law grabbed a balloon from her drawer and blew it up for Wyatt (balloons are like kid-crack, and like any good toddler, Wyatt can't get enough of them). She turned the balloon so that he could see the skull pirate on the side, and he refused to take it. She turned the pirate away thinking maybe she could trick him but alas, he's smarter than us.

So I guess we'll see how this whole party thing goes. If anything, a bawling, cranky 2 year old dressed like a pirate it will make for good pictures to show off to his high school friends in 14 years when he misses curfew...

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Cowboy Boots!

Wyatt is finally fitting into his cowboy boots!

He received them from his Auntie back in January 2011 for his baby shower, and I have been anxiously awaiting the day when he would finally be able to wear them! They are a size 5, which is pretty big considering how tiny my growing boy is. He has big feet like his dad, with nasty weird shaped toenails to match.

He is also starting to wear his 9 and 12 month clothes. I swear I thought this day would never come, but a few days ago I decided to go through his closet and lo and behold I was able to fit him (rather loosely) into 12 month shirts and hoodies. As for jeans he is still in the 6 month since he is so small around the waist.

In other news, Wyatt used the potty last week! I was so excited that we were introducing it early and seeing some success, and that is where it ended. He enjoys lifting the lid, taking toilet the toilet paper rolls and stacking them inside the potty, and then 'flushing' them. But that is about it, not that I'm the least bit disappointed. This summer I foresee a lot of peeing on the lawn after bathtime, so that should reduce my diaper load at least a little while I'm at the end of my pregnancy.

Speaking of which, I am now 15.5 weeks along and this baby has been causing us both joy and trouble. Baby has been moving around like crazy, and has even kicked his/her brother back a couple of times in the past week or so... I guess sibling rivalry starts early. I had been feeling much better until Sunday afternoon when I got food stuck in my throat after vomiting on the side of the road (fun!). I went to ER thinking it wasn't a big deal, and it resulted in an overnight stay in the hospital, breathing troubles and an ambulance ride to and from the city for an endoscope. In the end we're all fine (thankfully) and baby shows only signs of thriving after our ordeal, which is really all that matters. Wyatt was probably the one most upset about the impromptu hospital stay, considering he had never had a whole night away from us. I guess he needs some practice anyways.

So, without further ado, here are some more pictures of my little cowboy in his brand new cowboy boots!

Monday, February 6, 2012

I've Been Told, I Guess.

This afternoon, Wyatt had another weight checkup and I had my first real prenatal appointment!

Over all it was a good appointment. Wyatt weighed in at 19.4lbs, and according to his doctor (and myself) he is thriving. It was nice to be reassured after being told at his 12 month appointment that he wasn't gaining enough weight (I thought that was old news?) and had landed himself below the 1st percentile. He hasn't climbed the charts much in the past 2 months, but he IS growing, and he IS gaining weight, even if it isn't as much as they would like to see.

After Wyatt's appointment, Lori (who tagged along to help, thankfully!) took Wyatt so that I could have my appointment in peace. The doctor found baby's heartbeat right away, and it was a very strong 150bpm! I was thrilled, especially since we had a couple reasons for thinking twins which scared us a little. We are thrilled to know that we have one healthy, growing baby on the way! He answered a few of my questions before telling me that I should wean Wyatt as soon as possible.

His reasons were these: I'm exhausted, I'm losing weight, and I don't have a lot that I can afford to lose, especially since I'm not only chasing around one busy baby, but growing another one.

When I was still pregnant with Wyatt, I intended to try everything I could to breastfeed for the whole first year. After he was born and breast feeding got off to a very difficult start, my goal was to last 3 months. After he was weaned off of the nipple shields at 3 months (a LONG time to be fighting with those stupid things), I cautiously set our goal at 6 months. When 6 months came and went without even a thought to wean, I was sure we would wean at a year. By the time Wyatt's first birthday came and I started getting questions, I had long decided to wean when he was ready, and when I got pregnant that decision didn't change... until today.

To say I am disappointed is a serious understatement. I know why my doctor wants me to wean, and I agree with him, but I cannot help but feel like I'm not ready yet. I enjoy breastfeeding and the bond that comes with it. To think that I will be losing that with Wyatt is so sad to me.

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Some of Wyatt's Latest 'Adventures'

Apparently, Wyatt has quite the sense of humor, and brains to go with it. Just a few things he has done in the last couple days that blow my mind:

1. A few days ago I found Wyatt in his room with my nursing cover around him like a cape, running around with it flying behind him like a super hero... this kid has entirely too much energy :)

2. The next day, he was doing this:

... and his doctors wonder why his weight gain isn't as fast as most kids... I have NO idea.

3. Yesterday, Wyatt came to me while I was in the kitchen and started pointing down the hallway, so I followed him into his room. He opened the cabinet on his dresser, and pointed to the shelf that had fallen down, wanting me to fix it... seriously, when did this kid get so stinkin smart on me??

4. Yesterday I was overcome with morning sickness, and there was Wyatt, right behind me patting my back (he has done it before, such a sweetheart!), and the promptly grabbed the handle and flushed the toilet in my face. Thanks love!

Thursday, February 2, 2012

You Make My Head Hurt and My Heart Sing

I'm beginning to feel significantly better with this pregnancy. The morning sickness was bad for a few days and then once again it tapered off. It looks like I won't have to deal with 28 weeks of morning sickness as I did with Wyatt... **KNOCK ON WOOD!**

Wyatt had a hard day yesterday. He refused to nap in the morning, and then proceeded to have the mother of all meltdowns at Mommy and Me. We ended up leaving an hour early to come home, and the whole drive home I was thinking "What have I DONE?". Shortly afterwards we got home, I picked my sleeping baby out of his car seat, and sat in our rocker in the nursery for a few minutes while he snuggled into my shoulder, and that is when I remembered.

It made me kind of sad to put him down for his nap, but after 3 hours of napping for both of us, the rest of the day was a lot better.

Before we had left for town, I let Wyatt run around on the deck and I got some beautiful pictures of him that I wanted to share :)

Saturday, January 21, 2012

A Break From My Busy Boy

After a day like today I should really be in bed. To say the least it's been a complete nightmare, by my standards anyway.

After Wyatt's most hellish night in months I woke up with the most wicked and evil morning sickness I've ever known. I was unable to keep down any food or fluid for most of the day, so everything that I prepared for Wyatt made me gag. Being sleep deprived and clingy, Wyatt neither wanted to nap or eat anything I put in front of him. Instead he wanted to be packed around my his mother who had absolutely no energy to spare.

Around 10am I grabbed a bag of grapes, washed a few and put them in a bowl for him to much on with me on the couch. Unfortunately for me, being only 13 months old, TV does not yet render my toddler comatose, so this was also short lived... the rest of the day was basically more of this. Useless attempts at entertaining a cranky sleep deprived toddler by an equally sleep deprived, pregnant and miserable mother. Oh, and when I changed his diaper he smeared shit all over my floor.

I lost it. When his diaper was changed I stood up, moved him away from his feces, ran into my room and screamed.

After I had cleaned up the mess I texted my mother in law. To make a long story short, Wyatt is going over for a play date tomorrow while I have some 'me' time. I plan to get some much needed housework and sleeping done while he is on his mini vacation.

I think sometimes we all just need a break. I haven't ever spent more than 8 hours away from Wyatt since his conception, and there comes a time (which happened to be today) when the pot boils over, and there needs to be a few hours of separation to do us both some good. Lately we've been in the same roundabout cycle: He makes his rounds, empties everything he can find onto the ground, I follow behind him by a few minutes to clean up after him, and in a few more minutes he comes by and empties it again.

I can totally see where some parents drop the ball on discipline all together at this point. It is SO HARD to be constantly after a kid who is trying to entertain himself! During the summer we went outside everyday... these days it is too cold to be outside long, so we're stuck inside 90% of the time. I feel horrible about it. Today Wyatt sat at the window and pointed to the snow over and over as if to say 'Take me outside, Mom!', but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Going outside means 45 minutes of fighting to get all dressed up, 5 minutes of cold weather, and then another 10 minutes to get him out of his winter clothes... sure, we've burned an hour but was it worth it?

I'm just glad that Wyatt will have a change of scenery for a day. He'll be with 2 people who I guarantee won't let him go 5 minutes without their undivided attention, which is exactly what he craves. Sometimes I feel so horrible that he doesn't get that from me all the time, but I have to keep reminding myself that (for a Mom, at least) it's not realistic. Yeah, my everyday life is all about him, but really I spend very little of that time just with him playing... that being said, it's even rarer that I find time for myself.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Moving forward and looking back

I'm not sure how much I've posted about Wyatt's birth story, but lately I have been trying to make as much sense of it as possible, in an attempt to have a different experience this time around. Of course I am thrilled with the outcome, who would complain about a healthy baby? But I found the induction experience to be somewhat traumatizing, especially when I give thought to the spiral effect my choice to be induced caused.

When I found out I was pregnant March 15, 2010, my due date of November 15th seemed so far off I didn't know what to do with myself at first. 9 months seemed like such a long time, and all I wanted was that baby in my arms. A couple weeks later that due date got moved back to November 28th, and I thought for sure he would be here by then, especially with my pre-term labor scare back in October... but no. November 28th came and went without incident and December 8th I gladly walked into the hospital to be induced.

all of my pretty bracelets... I think I had one more by the end

I was told by my doctor right away that because my cervix was nowhere near ready for birth, the induction could take several days (sign number 1). I signed my life away without giving it much thought, got my IV and had the Cervadil inserted. I completely trusted my doctor and her decisions, she was much more qualified than I was, after all. I was told I could leave the hospital but to call back every 4 hours to give them an update on my contractions. Sounds fair enough.

being monitored on day one after Cervadil

Lance and I made the decision not to drive all the way home, but instead to go to his grandparents house where everyone was waiting on me to have the baby. We walked around the house stopping for contractions that were getting progressively worse, Lance used a massager to help with the pain in my lower back, and I managed to handle everything very well. Around dinner time I decided to sit down and eat something, but before I got the chance my contractions started coming on top of one another. We called the hospital and were told to get back right away.

At Lance's grandparents waiting for labor to become active

About 15 minutes later a nurse came in to check me. I thought that by this point, with all these contractions getting so bad I MUST be dilating... nope. After 9 hours of labor I had gone from .5 to 1cm. This was the beginning of my spiral. After a couple of minutes tracking my contractions, the nurse told me that my uterus was over-stimulating and they would have to remove the Cervadil. At this point I suspected they would send me home, but they didn't. They had me stay for observation as I continued to labor throughout the night. To make things worse, in the same room was a young couple who'd had their baby by c-section that afternoon. Rather than being attentive to their sickly, jaundiced newborn (who was under the lights most of the night), they watched MTV (loudly) until 2am.

Finally around midnight I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't sleep through my contractions so I let Lance take my bed and I went for a walk. The nurses told me to get back to bed more than once, but there was no point when I couldn't sleep. Around 2am, the nurses sent me to a surgery recovery room for the night. By then the contractions were starting to peter out and I was able to sleep... until 6 am when they woke me to take my vitals.

Day two, exhausted and in no mood for pictures... yes, I look like shit.

The next morning I had no idea what to expect. The removable form of Cervadil was too much for my uterus to handle, so I didn't expect for them to use the gel form as they had suggested the day before. I was wrong, however and they told me what to expect from the day. They told me that in 6 hours they would know whether or not the drug was having the desired effect, and where to go from there. Unlike the Cervadil, the gel did nothing for several hours. We were stuck in the hospital for the rest of the day, walking around aimlessly with no clue what to do with ourselves, stopping for random contractions that came and went throughout the day.

After 6 hours of having the gel put in, I had lost all hope of having a vaginal delivery. I assumed at this point, having had nothing work, they were bound to say 'this is taking too long' and cut me open. I called my sister (who has had 3 cesareans) and asked her advice on what to expect of my recovery. She told me not to be scared, that it is a routine procedure that doctors do every day, and that her recoveries were not all that difficult. Even though the thought of needing a c-section made me feel helpless, what she said did make me feel better.

At 6pm (9 hours after having the gel placed) my doctor came in to check me... no dilation whatsoever. She told me to go home for the night and to come back in the morning, get an epidural (which is not often used at our hospital) and be put on pitocin for one last attempt at a vaginal delivery. If I had not dilated considerably by 5pm (it would be a Friday), they would wheel me into the OR and 'put me out of my misery'. After hearing this I was thrilled! I had one more chance, one more day! They weren't planning to cut me open for almost another 23 hours, so I had time... right?

Lance and I headed home right away to get some rest. It felt weird looking at the backseat and remembering how we had felt leaving home Wednesday morning. We had expected to have baby in our arms by now, it felt wrong going home without a baby to show for it.

The moment I stood up from the car, everything finally started. Immediately I felt an unbelievable amount of pressure, which could not be relieved no matter what position I was in. Once we got in the house I ran myself a bath and stayed there for a couple hours. As time went on the pressure got worse, but I was still having no contractions. After my bath I went into the living room and rocked on all fours, trying to relieve the pain. Several hours had passed when I finally decided to get up and go to bed. I laid there for a long time trying to get comfortable, the last time on the clock I remember seeing was 2:04am.

3:30am I woke up to a overwhelming feeling of relief. It was the best feeling I've ever experienced, it was as if all of the pressure was gone for just a moment, and the I realized what had happened. I woke Lance up right away 'My water just broke!' I said, and he looked at me as though I was crazy 'are you sure?' I flung off the covers to see water everywhere. Lance grabbed me a towel and I ran to the bathroom, not 100% sure what to do. I was not expecting this.

Lance covered the passenger seat with more towels while I got dressed and then we were on our way back to the hospital. By the time we got there, the seat (and my pants) were soaked, regardless of my pad. My contractions had started on the ride there, and by the time I reached L&D they were very strong, and finally meant business. I was checked at 1cm again, and the nurses offered me Morphine right away. I refused, but it wasn't long before my exhausted body refused to do anything but sleep between contractions. The nurses kept coming in and offering drugs... maybe it was because I had resorting to moaning through my contractions for relief. Lance fell asleep on the floor, and with no one to coach me through, I finally asked for some morphine.

Day three before the epidural. Not handling the pain well anymore

If I can say one thing about morphine, it's that it makes things worse more than it makes things better. After getting the shot not only was I still in pain, but I became very nauseous and threw up what little food I had managed to get in the night before. It took the edge off for an hour or so, and then it was 7am. The doctor came in, told me that they were going to continue with the plan from the day before because my contractions were still not 'regular' (5-8 minutes apart). I was checked at 4cm... 4CM!!!!! I had dilated, not because of their drugs, but because my body was acting on it's own!

I asked meekly if I could continue going naturally, and the doctor advised me that I could be in labor for up to an entire extra day, which was not safe for the baby, and would be exhausting for me. I trusted her and got wheeled into the delivery room to get my epidural. My mother-in-law showed up shortly before I got the epidural, and she commented on how bad I sounded when I had a contraction. I felt so weak and helpless. I felt as though I had lost all control, and maybe getting the epi would be enough for me to feel strong enough for the task at hand. I was checked before the anesthesiologist came in at 5.5cm... it had been 4 hours since my last check, and I wasn't progressing fast enough, so things went ahead as planned.

Within moments of getting the epidural (of which Lance is NOT a fan) I had relief. I had energy, and a new found hope that I could get this done. After an hour of monitoring my blood pressure (which had plummeted), they started the pitocin and I was allowed to have a nap, and Lance was sent back to our recovery room to sleep as well. An hour and a half passed when my nurse told me she was going on break, so to tell the other nurse if I was feeling rectal pressure. Just as she was leaving I knew what she was talking about, and asked the nurse to check me. Immediately the nurse called the other one back and said 'We're having a baby! Go get Lance!'

Definitely in a better state of mind at this point, about to nap

I was thrilled. It seemed as though it couldn't be possible, I had been in 'labor' for 2 days with almost no progress, and then had been in active labor for 18 hours with only a 4 cm progress, and in an hour and a half I was ready to go?? The nurse told me that they would have to find the doctor right away because I had '2 pushes and you'll be done!'... then when Lance came in she asked what Lance and I thought baby would be, we both said 'Girl!'.

Everyone came in and I started pushing. 2 pushes came and went quickly, and after an hour I could tell something was wrong. They kept saying 'baby is RIGHT there!', but baby wasn't moving. The doctor told me that baby was stuck behind my pubic bone, and after a few more attempts she pulled out the vacuum and explained how it was used. I consented to using it. Obviously he wasn't coming out on his own. Twice the vacuum popped off my poor baby's head, the sound was like a gun going off and at first I didn't understand what had happened. 'Is the head out?' I remember asking, Lance had laughed at me, but how was I supposed to know? I couldn't feel a thing.

After one helluva push and the doctor pulling on the vacuum as hard as she could, the head was finally born. I expected to have to give a couple more pushes to get the body out, but the head never turned, and my pushing did nothing. All of a sudden I had both nurses hoisting my knees up to my ears, and the doctor pushing down on my belly... when that did nothing the doctor reached her hand inside me... I'm still not 100% sure what happened but after one more hard push he was out.

Meeting Wyatt for the first time. The most amazing moment of my life

Everyone was relieved when he finally came out. I was shell shocked and didn't even realize for a moment what had just happened. I laid back as they put him on top of me and I heard Lance say 'It's a boy'. He didn't cry right away. He had the same expression I'm sure I had 'What the fuck just happened?'. I could see he was breathing and wasn't concerned. Then, too soon it seemed, the nurses whisked him away while I started getting stitched up. When I asked the doctor how it was she simply said to me 'not good... I don't see this often'.

She and an intern spent the next 45 minutes sewing up what was left of my lady parts. I remember thinking that I would never have to worry about being embarrassed of anything ever again in my life. Finally after what felt like forever they brought my baby back to me. The nurse told me I'd birthed a football player, and my doctor told me how she proud she was that someone my size could have a baby so big. He weighed in at a whopping 9lbs 8.75oz and was 21.5 inches long...

Welcome, baby! looking just a little cranky...

It took a little while for Lance and I to name him. We had decided on a girl's name, but had a whole host of boys names to argue over. As soon as he was here the answer seemed obvious, but we decided to go through them all so to make the right decision. Finally we settled on Wyatt Thomas Blake, and to this day it suits him perfectly. I couldn't be happier with it.

Breastfeeding was difficult to get started. Between my milk taking 4 days to come in, and Wyatt being too drowsy from the epidural to open his mouth and latch, it took us 3 months to establish a regular nursing relationship. I used nipple shields until he was able to be weaned off of them (amazing what they'll do when they're hungry).

My recovery also took a very long time (8 weeks to be specific). I had a third degree tear, which I believe is from a host of different complications. Mainly, when Wyatt came out crooked after being stuck at the shoulders (shoulder distocia), they came through and ripped me right open. I was told not to walk for at least a day, but by the end of the day I chose to be up on my feet. It would be 2 months before I could sit down/stand up without pain.

The other complication that I am not sure about, is the calcification of the placenta. My doctor showed it to my mother in law and myself and warned that in only 48 hours tops, it could have cut out and stopped working. I don't know if I believe this. For a long time I trusted it, and thought that it had been responsible of me to listen to my doctor and follow her advice. Now I'm not so sure. Wyatt never once went into distress during my labor (except at 33 weeks, which we figure is due to a knot found in his cord later on). , and wouldn't he be in distress if his placenta was not working properly?? An organ like that doesn't have a time-limit so who is to know? I am starting to feel as though it was an easy scapegoat to cover up an induction that my body was not ready for.

Wyatt's cord knot. It was NOT that tight when he was born, she
tightened it so we could see it better

Going into my next pregnancy is somewhat nerve wracking. I'm not 100% on what is right, but I know that what happened with Wyatt's birth cannot possibly be considered the right way of doing things. Induce a mom until she's exhausted and then push more drugs on her when things are finally starting to go on their own?? I feel like I was trapped into a birth that I had no control over. I should have went home after day 1 and let nature take it's course. No, birth is not something that you should try to control but isn't that the point? I would have felt more in control with my body progressing naturally doing what it needed to than to be jerked around by doctors and labor controlling drugs.

All I know is that this time needs to be different.

13 months later, still so in love :)

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Wyatt is going to be a BIG BROTHER!

It's true! We found out on December 17th, just a week after Wyatt's first birthday that we are adding one more to our family :) We are nervous but thrilled to have 2 under 2 come August (or September if this one stays in for the long haul like it's brother).

Today I am 8 weeks, 2 days, and I already feel big. I have yet to gain any weight (I've actually lost some), but I already have a belly, even when the bloat goes down... which is scary because of how big I got with Wyatt. Here is a bump picture that we took yesterday:

So far Wyatt has no concept of what is going on. We brought him out an old doll of mine before we started trying, and now when I say 'can you bring me the baby?' he does! He knows exactly what 'baby' means, now we just have to work on how he is supposed to treat baby. Everything was going really well for a while; he would pick baby up gently and pat it's back, give kisses and even lays it down nice... and then one day a couple weeks ago I caught him using the baby as a step stool onto the couch. Great.

So we've got a little work to do in the baby department. But for now we are spending as much time as we can enjoying our one busy little toddler (that word is so bizarre to me!) before the 2 under 2 fun starts!

Monday, January 2, 2012

Wyatt's 365

Wyatt's baby book is DONE! I am so excited, considering I have been working on this book since December of last year, it has been a long work in process but so worth it!

Since he was born shortly before the new year, I was inspired to do a 365 project with him. I tried my best to take a picture of him every day for a year (plus an extra month, so it's technically a 396 project). I missed 69 days out of the year... meaning I achieved a 82.6% average which is pretty good I think.

I've been a pretty big Shutterfly fan since I got married, but having Wyatt has triggered my love to grow to an obsession. Wyatt has 6 Shutterfly books dedicated especially to him, 2 of which (so far) have been featured on Shutterfly's gallery.

If you're interested, here is a link to the book!