After Wyatt's most hellish night in months I woke up with the most wicked and evil morning sickness I've ever known. I was unable to keep down any food or fluid for most of the day, so everything that I prepared for Wyatt made me gag. Being sleep deprived and clingy, Wyatt neither wanted to nap or eat anything I put in front of him. Instead he wanted to be packed around my his mother who had absolutely no energy to spare.
Around 10am I grabbed a bag of grapes, washed a few and put them in a bowl for him to much on with me on the couch. Unfortunately for me, being only 13 months old, TV does not yet render my toddler comatose, so this was also short lived... the rest of the day was basically more of this. Useless attempts at entertaining a cranky sleep deprived toddler by an equally sleep deprived, pregnant and miserable mother. Oh, and when I changed his diaper he smeared shit all over my floor.
I lost it. When his diaper was changed I stood up, moved him away from his feces, ran into my room and screamed.
After I had cleaned up the mess I texted my mother in law. To make a long story short, Wyatt is going over for a play date tomorrow while I have some 'me' time. I plan to get some much needed housework and sleeping done while he is on his mini vacation.
I think sometimes we all just need a break. I haven't ever spent more than 8 hours away from Wyatt since his conception, and there comes a time (which happened to be today) when the pot boils over, and there needs to be a few hours of separation to do us both some good. Lately we've been in the same roundabout cycle: He makes his rounds, empties everything he can find onto the ground, I follow behind him by a few minutes to clean up after him, and in a few more minutes he comes by and empties it again.
I can totally see where some parents drop the ball on discipline all together at this point. It is SO HARD to be constantly after a kid who is trying to entertain himself! During the summer we went outside everyday... these days it is too cold to be outside long, so we're stuck inside 90% of the time. I feel horrible about it. Today Wyatt sat at the window and pointed to the snow over and over as if to say 'Take me outside, Mom!', but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Going outside means 45 minutes of fighting to get all dressed up, 5 minutes of cold weather, and then another 10 minutes to get him out of his winter clothes... sure, we've burned an hour but was it worth it?
I'm just glad that Wyatt will have a change of scenery for a day. He'll be with 2 people who I guarantee won't let him go 5 minutes without their undivided attention, which is exactly what he craves. Sometimes I feel so horrible that he doesn't get that from me all the time, but I have to keep reminding myself that (for a Mom, at least) it's not realistic. Yeah, my everyday life is all about him, but really I spend very little of that time just with him playing... that being said, it's even rarer that I find time for myself.